


Fire and Balance

by DreamsofArachne



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Conflict, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22650091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamsofArachne/pseuds/DreamsofArachne
Summary: Sozin knows what he wants. He doesn't expect the real problems to start once he gets it.
Relationships: Roku/Sozin (Avatar)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 195





	Fire and Balance

**Author's Note:**

> This has been going around in my head for a while. I took care to stay close to the canon shown in The Avatar and the Firelord,-with my own backround interpretations:)- but I apologise should there be any major mistakes. Many thanks to my sister for encouraging me to post this.

Roku was lying on the grass again, wich wasn't a good sign for multiple reasons. Firstly, it made him look weak and like an unsuitable sparring companion for a prince. Wich was fine when it was just the two of them, but now they had a rapt audience, leading to problem number two: There had been an attempted poisoning at the palace only days ago, so Father had assigned a twenty-four hour guard to all members of the royal family, even to the crown prince who could - in his own humble opinion- defend himself better on his own than any of them ever could.

But an order from the Fire Lord was an order from the Fire Lord, though Sozin wondered what an armed escort could really do against a poisoning. It hurt his pride, being watched like a child and he suspected that his father knew it. Sozin probably shouldn't have made that comment about aunt Hideko-the intended victim- that they didn't have to worry about this being political, since even her friends wanted Hideko dead, wich had nothing to do with the fact that she was part of the Fire Nation royal family. No, she was plenty awful enough on her own. Father didn't tolerate disrespect towards elders, especially from his son and heir, hence the guard, the lecture in front of the entire court and Sozin being sent to bed without supper -yes, _really_.

The Fire Lord knew very well that this kind of humiliation would sting Sozin the most, and it did. Tomorrow he would have to deliver a handwritten letter of apology to his aunt's sickbed like a common delivery boy. Sozin thought of this not only as an insult against his royal status, but also against the dignity of the entire Fire Lord's family, not to mention the Fire Nation itself.

"You just don't want a kiss on the cheek from your aunt dragon breath when she "forgives" you.", Roku had said, always the more practical-minded of the two of them. His teasing grin had not been not appreciated.

At least Sozin had a plausible reason to order the guards to keep their distance while he sparred with Roku, but their posture was tense, the Hideko-incident having made them more antsy and cautious. Wich was the second problem with Roku suddenly stumbling and collapsing to the ground after barely any fighting. Of course, Sozin knew that the group of chattering noble women that'd just past contained some girl -and Sozin would always refer to her as "some girl" in his head and he did not know her name, and soon Roku wouldn't either, if Agni was gracious- Roku had a crush on, wich made him blush, sputter and then trip over his feet, leading to him lying on the grass in defeated humiliation.

Normally, Sozin would just have mocked him for a while before maybe helping him up, if he was in a good mood, but he could see the guards tensing in alarm at their discreet distance, so he hissed: "Get up, you idiot!", pointedly not extending a hand.

Because Sozin realized there was a third problem, and it had nothing to do with guards or assassination plots or his father. No, this one was his alone. It had been for quite a while, though only recently it had developed the potential to actually become a _real problem_ , not just remain an irritating itch at the back of Sozin's mind. As was evidenced by the wave of crushing jealousy that overcame him at the sight of Roku mooning over Ta Mi - _some girl_.

Roku looked at him questioningly, but it was too late; The guards swarmed towards them. "Help! Help! The prince's companion is poisoned!", the leader called, proving just how useless they were in face of a danger like that.

 _I told you Father_ , Sozin thought.

"Did you drink from the same water-pitcher, Your Highness?", one of the guards asked him in alarm, while the leader seized the intiative, pushed a befuddled Roku into a sitting postion and told him to vomit. "Does anyone have a feather?", he asked the assembled gawkers.

Needless to say, it took a while to clear up the misunderstanding, and by the end of it Sozin was heartily sick of sparring, yet glad that the treck of noble women hadn't witnessed what happened. He dragged his friend, whom he'd just narrowly saved from puking into the turtleduck pond by way of forcefully inserted feather, inside behind him. A downcast guard followed. This time, at an actual discreet distance.

As crown prince of the greatest nation of the four, Sozin was accustomed to getting what he wanted. Father and his teachers had always reminded him that even for him there were limits, limits he needed to learn about and respect if he wanted to become a great leader. Like any youth, he‘d scoffed at this initially.

Then Sozin had met his first limit one evening when he was sitting beside Roku in his chambers, head pleasantly fuzzy with rice wine, and the urge overcame him to run his hands through his friend's long, silky hair, to lean over and kiss him breathless. He hadn't acted on the desire, even when it came back, again and again. With anyone else, Sozin would have. Others wouldn't reject him, because he was their prince, and even if they did, Sozin could always find someone else.

But there was only one Roku. Their friendship meant much to Sozin and they already were connected in so many ways. Innocent ways. He didn't want to ruin that because of a few indecent thoughts he was having. Roku was good-looking, and Sozin couldn't help...appreciating it. He was just human after all.

Nevertheless, Sozin found himself wondering if it was possible that Roku returned his interest. He often touched Sozin affectionately and looked at him in a unique, loving way he didn't at anyone else at court. But Roku had always done that, so it could merely be a sign of their close friendship. What Roku didn't do was blush in his presence or lose the ability to speak temporarily like he did with Ta- _some girl_. And that was when the _irritation_ had become a _problem_. Over time, Sozin found it harder and harder to tell himself that his attraction to Roku was simply physical. If it were, Sozin wouldn't have wanted to spent hours listening to his friend's voice, to have him to himself as long as possible, so no one could come between them. He wouldn't have felt the surge of jealousy rising in him whenever Roku started talking affectionately about someone else.

Sozin knew that for the first time he couldn't have the thing he wanted and it enraged him to no end. Because even if Roku were to return his feelings, it couldn't ever be just the two of them. Sozin would have to marry a strong, noble, female firebender to produce an heir to the throne, for one, and officially that person would always have to come first. In theory, he was free to have as many lovers on the side as he wanted, their gender irrelevant, but his father was watching Sozin already in that regard, hoping to dissuade him of any _unfortunate incliniations_ should they arise. Roku would be more than a fun little affair to him and the Fire Lord was bound to be displeased about that. Sozin didn't care about upsetting his father, but he was aware that there was a lot he could do to disrupt his and Roku's easy friendship. So Sozin denied himself his greatest wish, confident that he would be able to stomach it. He tried not to think about it much anyways, since he felt humiliated by his own heart; such pesky endurance was only for peasants. It hadn't been easy. Obviously spending so much time fighting and training in various states of undress wasn't exactly helpful in getting Roku or his glinting muscles out of his head, but Sozin managed.

However, it had gotten worse, not better. The appreciation of his friend’s body had moulded into a kind of resentment every time Sozin was tempted to touch but couldn't. I'll never have him., he thought bitterly. And it hurt. Sozin found himself batting Roku's hand away when the other laid it on his shoulder, so he wouldn't lean into the touch, and refusing to spent time together in the evenings when his guard was down. Of course, Roku noticed, especially when Sozin had once cited "his studies" as a reason not to sneak down to the wine cellar with his friend. "I've never seen you voluntarily study anything except the dragons!", Roku accused. "What is going on with you? This isn't even the first time, you've been acting weird all week."

"I'm fine.", Sozin said, trying to keep his tone relaxed."I guess I'm just growing up, learning responsibilty. I need to focus on more than just fighting if I want to become a good Fire Lord."

Roku raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. "Is it your father? Has something happened?", he asked and reached out to put a hand on Sozin's arm. "I'm your best friend, I would never betray your confidence. You can tell me."

 _Yes, I would entrust delicate international secrets to him without thinking twice about it_., Sozin mused. Not that his father ever talked to him about delicate international secrets, not really, so it was a mute point. What wasn't was the warmth of Roku's touch -a firebender like him, another thing they shared- and his open, honest gaze.

Sozin backed away. "I'm fine!", he repeated angrily. "Just go away already!" Roku looked hurt and dismayed but complied, leaving him alone in the doorway.

Sozin had an inkling that he was starting to hurt their friendship just as much as the revelation of his true feelings would.

That had been about a month ago. They had made up quickly, Sozin even apologised, wich he rarely did, but it wasn't lost on either of them that he had never explained why he'd acted the way he had and still did sometimes. Roku must think Sozin was starting to like him less, when really the opposite was true. Sozin knew it couldn't go on like this much longer, the events during the not-quite sparring session being further proof.

He didn't even attempt to hide his foul mood as they got back to his rooms after the poisoning-misunderstanding. He was able to blame it easily on the guard's incompetence and his father's punishment. At least, when news of the incident reached the Fire Lord he called off the escort, but pointedly sent a stack of paper and ink to his son's rooms, for the letter to his aunt.

"Well, I guess there is no avoiding the ordeal any longer.", Sozin sighed.

His friend grinned. "Come on, it won't be that bad if I help you. Mother says I have a way with words."

"Every mother says that."

Roku gasped in mock offence. "How dare you! You just wait, I'll prove you wrong. This will be the best letter of apology ever delivered. Your aunt won't know what hit her!"

Sozin's smile returned for the first time since Roku had taken to the grass. "I'm supposed to write the letter. And it shouldn't be good, since it's for aunt Hideko."

"Depends on what you mean by _good_.", Roku said thoughtfully, mischief glinting in his eyes. "Let‘s both write the letter and sent the better one."

An hour later, neither of them had gotten past the first sentence, wich Sozin partly blamed on the obscure spicy liquor Roku had produced from somewhere, partly on the fact that his friend's robes had fallen open at the neck, giving Sozin an excellent view of his friend’s finely toned chest outside of training. They were both sitting at a writing table designed for one person and their arms kept bumping into each other because Roku was left-handed. Sozin was tired of his worries, he just wanted to have fun for once. It had been forever since they'd drunk together and let loose like this. Sozin had missed it more than he realized.

Roku stared at his work critically, then he suddenly ripped it into tiny pieces an let them trickle over Sozin's head -probably revenge for Sozin doing the same thing to him with grass at every opportunity. Wich led to Sozin pulling them out of his hair and trying to piece together what Roku wrote, causing his friend to lunge at him so they both toppled to the floor.

"It's treason to write ill of the the Fire Lord's family!", Roku said weakly as he attempted to wrestle the fragments out of Sozin's grasp.

"You should've thought of that before. Maybe there are some fun new nicknames in there-hey!"

They were rolling around the floor like children, not really fighting, and a part of Sozin's muddled brain told him he should probably stop. He didn't listen. Ripped paper was falling everywhere and there was no real chance of Sozin piecing it back together now, but it didn't matter.

Roku actually managed ro rip one fragment from him, but Sozin, trained to spot his opponent's weakness even in moments of levity, used Roku's temporary distractedness over his victory to roll on top of him and press his wrists to the floor.

"Give it back!", Sozin demanded, the childish words sounding far too serious.

"No.", Roku breathed, unmoving.

Sozin stared at his friend, who was flushed, half-naked and beautiful, so unresisting under him. _I need to know._ , Sozin thought. _I won't be able to stand it any longer if I don't know for sure if he feels the same. Just this once..._

Roku looked puzzled at his silent stillness. A blush crept up his cheeks."Sozin, what are y-"

Sozin kissed him.

It was brief, just a brush of lips really, Roku’s still hanging open from the unfinished sentence. Sozin drew back a little and realized that he was still gripping Roku’s wrists. He quickly released them, almost not daring to look at his friend but kind of having no choice with their faces so close. Roku stared at him, wide-eyed, yet not shocked, more...surprised. He didn’t react otherwise, just watched Sozin, who was losing his nerve quickly.

He would not apologise. He _would not_.

But he also couldn’t bring himself to say anything else. Perhaps he should just go away and give Roku some space -in those revolting romantic plays his aunt kept dragging him to someone always dramatically stormed out of the room after the first kiss- but Sozin remembered that they were in _his_ chambers and it seemed stupid to flee his own room. He would do it anyway if Roku didn’t move out of his frozen stasis soon. He was still lying under him, mouth hanging slightly open. Sozin could breathe in his familiar scent, feel the curves of his body-

Yes, leaving was probably a good idea. He moved to roll off Roku, when his friend, expression unchanged, tenatively raised a hand to brush a strand of hair out of Sozin’s face. His headpiece had been dislodged quite a bit in their scuffle. The gentleness of the touch confused Sozin, and he felt at a loss even after having imagined this so many times. Roku leaned forward and brought their lips together again carefully. His hand came to rest on the other’s neck. Sozin let himself fall into it with a contented sigh, his heart leaping in his chest.

Roku seemed uncertain, almost shy and his response was achingly slow, but it was undeniably a response. Sozin moved to deepen the kiss, he had yearned for this so long and he wanted to show Roku that he wasn’t some blushing girl afraid of his passion, quite the contrary. Roku made a sound deep in his throat, the hand on Sozin’s neck twitching and finally, the rest of his body moved and he rose from the floor, pulling him and Sozin into a sitting position. Sozin took the opportunity to brush the open robe off his shoulders and run his hands greedily over the revealed skin. It had been agonising, always just looking, never being able to touch and reveal his intent.

Roku put a steadying palm on his chest and started to say something, wich Sozin couldn’t understand because he was still kissing him, so he reluctantly released the other’s lips. Even in this new situation, Sozin knew his friend well enough. He didn‘t want to hear-

"We shouldn‘t do this.", Roku said, his voice rough. He looked divine with his pupils blown wide and reddened cheeks.

 _I did that_., Sozin thought proudly. He wanted to do more. Much more. "Why not?" He pressed a kiss to Roku’s neck. Roku shuddered. "Because of propriety? Because I didn‘t get you flowers first? I can get you flowers. Fire-Lilies are your favourites, if I remember correctly."

He felt Roku puff out a laugh against his cheek. "You do." It only occurred to Sozin now that remembering a fact like that about your best friend likely meant that you wanted him to be more than your best friend. Yes, the signs had been there. He continued his path down Roku‘s neck, enveloped in the taste, the scent of him.

But there was still notable apprehension in his friend‘s posture. He sighed. "Is it the Fire Lord?" He didn‘t want to say "my father."

Two hands cupped Sozin‘s face, stilling him. "Amongst other things.", Roku replied cryptically.

"I‘ll be Fire Lord one day too, you now. Then I can act however I please."

"Except when it conflicts with your duties to your nation.", Roku the kill-joy answered. He could always go from goofing around to wise-beyond-his-years in a matter of seconds. It was his most annoying character trait, in Sozin‘s opinion.

 _Let’s just have some fun for a while and forget about this._ , he wanted to say, but he felt it would be the wrong thing. This was Roku, _his_ Roku, and this could never be some quick fumble to release tension. That had been the problem from the beginning.

"Whatever.", Sozin said. "It’s just...we both clearly want this, so...why not do it?" He had been aiming for seductive nonachalance -he was practically sitting on Roku‘s lap, after all- and missed, because a hateful vulnerability had snuck into his tone, wich he wanted to squash.

Roku‘s thumb carressed his friend‘s cheek, his expression somewhat mirroring Sozin‘s. "We already share so much.", he said quietly. "Do you really want to share this, too?"

"More than anything.", Sozin admitted.

Something in Roku‘s eyes flickered and he kissed him again, eager and wanting. There were no meaningful converstations after that.

A humilitating letter of apology was surprisingly easy to write when you were happy and satiated with your lover‘s head cradled on your shoulder, who occasionally interrupted with comments that really weren‘t as helpful as he thought. Mostly, they distracted Sozin to no end. Roku was finally, entirely _his_ , and just one look at him was enough to send Sozin’s heart racing again. Nothing else mattered anymore. What had they even been worried about?

Four months later, on their birthday, there was a sumptuous dinner in the great hall in Sozin‘s honour, though, like every year, Roku sat beside him at the head of the table, both of them raised at the same height, with only the Fire Lord at a more powerful position. Afterwards, Roku and Sozin would present themselves to the entire palace and lesser nobles, and finally the Fire Sages would arrive and pronounce the day a great one so everyone could go to bed. The Fire Nation was a land of early risers.

Despite the great change to their relationship, everything else had pretty much stayed the same for Roku and Sozin. They had already spent much time in each other‘s company beforehand, and who was to know that they now also did _other things_ than talking and sparring when they were alone together? If the prince ordered guards and staff to leave him alone, he was obeyed, and Sozin had done that for long as well. He wouldn‘t have been so stupid as to plan a prank with his friend in the presence of a member of the famous court-gossip and rumour-mill, wich included just about everyone with the ability to hear and speak.

So, when their shared birthday rolled around, of course Roku and Sozin again had the same disagreement they‘d had each year before that.

"They only want you to do all that ceremonial stuff.", Roku said one night.

They had climbed up to the palace roof and were watching the stars. Sozin had suspected that Father was keeping a closer eye on him than usual, so he wanted to time the period until someone realized that he wasn‘t in his room. As soon as the guard hurried over the courtyard below, they‘d sneak back over a passage they had discovered when they were little.

"I know I‘m considered lucky for being born on the same day as you idiot.", Roku continued. "But they don’t want me up there, just you. Why do I have to be at your side the entire evening?"

"You’re crazy if you think I’m going to suffer through that boring dinner and the Fire Sage’s speeches all on my own.", Sozin replied, giving his friend a playful shove. "And you’ll pay for that idiot comment."

"Oh, am I?" There was a tilt in Roku‘s voice that hadn‘t been there before. It promised something delicious.

"Yes, you are." With one quick motion, Sozin pinned the other against the tiles beneath him and dove in for a kiss. It was a definite improvement that most of their conversations tended to end this way now.

Still, Roku wasn‘t distracted that easily. "If we do this, someone might suspect.", he murmured.

"We‘ve been doing it for years.", Sozin insisted. "Our birthday is a shared event. Someone might suspect if we‘re suddenly start to do things differently." He tugged at Roku‘s clothes. It was warm night and would be a while before someone would disturb them here. "I see, you‘re wearing that belt with the complicated knots again. Wait..."

Roku squirmed uncomfortably. "Sozin, I think you‘re starting to dislodge the tiles. Maybe this isn‘t the best place to-..."

"Honey? I think there are wolf-bats in shutes again!", came a voice from under them. It sounded like it belonged the Minister of Finance. "Get the broom!"

Sozin relented at that. "Okay, let‘s go!"

They made it back to his room in one piece, though his dignity had suffered a bit, since Roku had started calling him „my little wolf-bat“ when it was just the two of them.

At this moment however, Sozin wanted nothing more than to be back on that roof, even in range of the Minister of Finance with his broom, if it only got him out of this dinner. The look on Roku‘s face betrayed a similiar sentiment. Sozin enjoyed the admiration of his subjects and family, naturally, but that novelty started to wear off quick if you had to listen to ten congratulatory speeches in one hour.

Also, Sozin couldn‘t help thinking that something so trivial like a birthday wasn‘t a very deserved occasion to honour someone. He wanted to be cheered for his great, heroic deeds. Then he might suffer through ten speeches that essentially all said the same thing. Actually, if that was the case he could forbid all speeches except the ones he wanted to hear. Oh, he couldn‘t wait to be Fire Lord.

When the ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe was wheezing his monologue towards an end, Roku started to draw silly faces on the table with some spilled droplets from his wine cup. Sozin joined in and soon they both struggled not to laugh, wich might have caused a diplomatic incident. That somehow only made it more funny, and they had to compose themselves later before stepping out to greet the court.

"Stand straight, my little wolf bat.", Roku whispered in his ear.

"I‘m going to murder you.", Sozin hissed, struggling for a expression worthy of a crown prince.

They waved to the crowd, descending the steps. Sozin noted that Ta Min (since she wasn‘t his competition anymore, he might as well remember her name) smiled at his companion, and Roku, predicatably, blushed and tripped, so Sozin had to catch him by his sleave. He laughed at him, seeing this as nature‘s revenge for the wolf-bat comment. Now that they were together, ironically, Sozin‘s jealousy had waned. He didn‘t begrudge Roku stares at pretty girls, certain that no one could ever come between them and the connection they shared. Such feelings had been beneath him anyways. Sozin had banished all these insecurities the moment Roku had returned his embrace, or so he told himself.

Suddenly, a group of Fire Sages made their way toward them, their faces grave. They shouldn‘t be here this early, and Sozin‘s chest tightened in alarm. Maybe the continued paranoia about poisoning had been a real threat after all. What if father...? Yes, Sozin wanted to be Fire Lord, but he‘d thought it would be a few more years before he actually had to shoulder that kind of responsibility.

"Has something happened to my father?", he asked the sages.

"No." Relief washed through him. _What a loyal son I am._ , he thought. "We‘re not here for you, Prince Sozin.", the sage continued. "We‘re here to announce the identity of the next Avatar."

Oh, well that was...unexpected. A sense of foreboding gripped Sozin. The Avatar was usually revealed to the world on his or her sixteenth birthday...

"We‘re honoured to serve you..." This couldn‘t be happening. Sozin stared at the sages in disbelief. "...Avatar Roku."

Apparently, it could. Sozin turned to see his friend open-mouthed and just as surprised as he was, the sages and people sorrounding them dropping to the floor in reverence. Sozin‘s training on how to act in the presence of the Avatar - _the Avatar_. Who was _Roku_.- kicked in without him paying attention, and he dropped on one knee, not quite as deep as the everyone else, since he was still a prince.

Roku stood on the steps, crestfallen and clearly out of his depth. Sozin lowered his gaze, his own pulse drumming in his ears.

A few days later, Roku was packing and they were both still a bit numb with shock. Sozin masked his darker moods with levity, but a part of him hated to see Roku go toward his grand destiny, suddenly fearing that he would prove too insignificant for Roku to remember. Yes, he was the crown prince of the Fire Nation, but Roku was the Avatar. No one could possibly measure up _to that_.

Yet he was still his friend, his love, one look into his eyes confirmed that. Without hesitation, Sozin gifted him his headpiece.

No wordly possessions, except for one. No attachments, except for one.

"Well, you were always special.", Sozin said on the morning of Roku‘s departure. "Now I know why."

Roku snorted. "Special to you maybe. I don‘t feel very...chosen."

"Just wait. Once you get used to your new position, acting all high and mighty will be a cake-walk." He made a mock-bow. "Oh great Avatar."

Roku pulled him into a tight hug. The headpiece was fixed in his hair. "We‘ll be together again when I come back.", he whispered.

Sozin believed him. He knew Roku would be gone for years, and things would change. He had a destiny to fulfill himself. But hey loved each other and in his naivety Sozin was certain that it would be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> ...and it all goes downhill from there.  
> Thanks so much for reading, and remember, comments are love!


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